One popular theme that is emerging in our DrivenWoman groups is finding the right guy. Well, you’d guess it. Finding the right partner is a pretty important part of a great life. You see, DrivenWoman is not just about doing what you want career-wise. It’s about creating a fantastic life. A life that is perfect for you however you define it!

Why do women think that a solution to a great life and happiness is to find a perfect man?

Is it all the princess fairy tales we get to read when we are young? Or is it the ancient history women and our role as a reproduction unit? To have babies you don’t necessarily have to find the right guy  (just a guy) or to be happy.

Firstly, there is no such thing as perfect. And if you do find a man who actually thinks he’s perfect, you should avoid him at all cost. They are the worst and will never be interested in anyone else’s happiness except their own!

Secondly, none else can make us happy for longer than, say, a year or so.

If you are interested to know what romantic love really is, watch this TED talk by Helen Fisher. Romantic love is a chemical reaction, an addiction that will pass.

We believe lasting happiness comes from understanding who you are and who you want to become. It comes from uncompromisingly living the life you were meant to live and not trying to please anyone. Happiness comes from working hard and helping others. It comes from challenging yourself, overcoming obstacles and sweating your ass off. It comes from being who you really are – to the fullest!

I think women simply think a great guy is a short cut to happiness. They are too lazy or scared to find out who they are so they look for a shelter in others. It is easier (at first) to hold on to someone else rather than to step outside of your comfort zone and start exploring yourself.

I don’t believe in short cuts.

Last time I took that kind of a short cut I ended up playing a role of ‘a perfect wife’ married to a perfect husband. I’m not actually about twinsets and saying the correct thing at dinner parties, am I! If you have been following this blog you know that I’m talking about my first husband. It didn’t last.

The only advice there is for finding a man is: find yourself first!

You will save yourself approximately seven years, possibly even more, and likely a messy divorce with at least two kids which you then will end up co-parenting which will tie you down financially and geographically. So don’t do it!

“But I’m already 35 years old!” you shout.

So f**ng what!?

The faster you start working on finding yourself, doing what you love and stop being afraid – the sooner the right guy will appear in your life. Yes, appear.

How could you attract the right guy until you are right anyway?

Like with anything in life, if you go chasing something desperately it will run away. My favourite advice on luck comes from Felix Dennis (the millionaire publisher and author of ‘How To Get Rich’): “My advice concerning luck is to laugh in the face of the Lady when she presents herself. Take what you will of her bounty and act swiftly to take advantage of good fortune. But never thank her for it. And forget her the moment she leaves to seek another victim.”

When it comest to luck (or to finding a man) you should keep yourself busy doing what you must do and what makes you happy and completely ignore chasing luck, or men. The contradiction is that it’s the only way to attract luck, or great men!

Good luck!

~ Miisa