Many women never dare to dream big because it’s difficult to know exactly what you want. A commonly held belief is that you need to know what you want before you can get it. Feeling confused and overwhelmed leads to procrastination and putting things off, and soon you notice a week has turned into a month, a month into a year and your life keeps passing you by.
If we always want to know the ‘absolute truth’, the right answer and perfect strategy before we are ready to start, you may find yourself sitting on the starting blocks for a long time.
For a long time I also was searching for that single truth, an answer I should discover. The way my life should go. The purpose I would find. The route I should take.
But that’s not how you move on in life.
I meet thousands of women at DrivenWoman and most join initially because they want to find out the right way forward. The correct way to write your CV (oh, I must join a LinkedIn course first!). They want change their career and only apply to the job that is the perfect match. Or start the right business that will succeed.
But chasing for the right answers makes us miserable! It makes us tense and irritable as we are trying to second guess the future and manipulate the outcome.
When we stop looking for the right path we open up to life’s opportunities.
When I was looking for my new path after having twin boys I felt stuck. But instead of trying to find the right answer I started posting myself questions.
How can I have it all?
How can I spend time with my family and build a business I care for?
How can I help others and do meaningful work?
How can I work hard and avoid stress?
How can I feel fulfilment and inner joy?
Wouldn’t it be great if there indeed was someone who could answer all that for you!
We are desperate for external answers because answering inner questions makes us feel uncomfortable.
We’d like a quick fix. We’d love someone to tell us what to do next. We’d love it if someone else could sort out our inner mess!
Finding your own answers is time consuming and it takes a lot of work. Why go through a ton of mistakes if you could just jump start your success! Wouldn’t it be great to find that magic pill!
It’s good to take advice from people more experienced than you, but you still have to make your own conclusions, commit to your own path and more importantly make your own decisions. This includes taking full responsibility for your choices.
I can listen to others but I can’t blame them for any of the consequences.
Living with questions can be overwhelming. It feels so much easier to grab an answer or a story you can believe in. It’s easier to follow someone and copy them, than to stand up and say, hey, I’m going to go my own way and find my own path!
The answers keep changing, but the questions remain the same.
And on a good day I have lots of answers. And then the next day the answers have changed again, so I’ve stopped looking for permanent answers.
I got comfortable not knowing what the future will bring. I’m finding security in my questions because I now know I can keep answering them in different ways all over again, and as the answers keep changing the questions become even more important.
You are not meant to be doing it alone.
So is it bad to look for answers and ask advice? Should we all just go figure out our stuff, on our own? Definitely not.
For me the only way to find my own answers is to keep reading what other people have to say, listen to their experiences, share my journey with my DrivenWoman tribe and use them as a mirror to help me sharpen my awareness.
I take the time to discover and learn, and then I make my own conclusions. I don’t take any advice at face value. I’m the one who has to live with the consequences. There is nobody on this planet that could tell me exactly how I should live and what I should do next. Not the smartest or the richest or the happiest person could do that for me!
My question to you is, could we, as women, flourish if we’d stop insisting on one correct answer and and start accepting that life is one big mystery and that’s ok?
“How can we help women build self belief and start moving towards their goals and dreams fast?”
This is the question I’m answering every day.
What started as a women’s accountability group in Soho, London, has now grown into a network of accountability club across Europe. We’ve also launched an online membership Doers Academy. Something I could not have envisioned at the start, no matter how I would have strategized! Instead I decided to let this journey teach me how I should develop DrivenWoman. I have approached it very organically trusting that the next step will always emerge from the full awareness of the present moment.
What is the question you are trying to answer to right now?