We are the average of five people we spend most time with. You hear this quote all the time but what does it mean? How can we identify if we are indeed spending our time with the right people and do we have any choice?

There’s a quick way to find out.

Everyone faces difficult situations in life, no matter how glossy your life might seem on the outside. I for one have experienced a ton of set backs both in my personal life and in business and I have made too many bad decisions to count.

There’s one key lesson I have learned from all this. When you face a set back, you have two choices…

You can surround yourself with people who feel really sorry for you and lean into your misery by pouring fuel of negativity, and convincing you that life is indeed unfair. Amplifying a victim position can feel like a great strategy at the time but will not get you anywhere and only create more stress.

The second option is to fill your life with people who will be there for you when you fall but will not let you built a wall around yourself. That’s what feeling like a victim does to you.

I surround myself with people who will tell me the truth and help me move forward. It’s a key to your success that you quickly identify how you react when you hit a snag. People who love to feel like a victim try to steal our time, attention and energy with negativity. And worse still, they try to put you down in order to feel better about themselves.

Are you surrounding yourself with people who take every obstacle as a gift and an opportunity to learn?

Here’s what to look out for if you want to clear your life from negativity.

1. Identify

Stop for a moment and identify everyone who brings negativity into your life. This is difficult as sometimes we take people who are close for granted and may not be able to see their true nature. Of course, life isn’t so black and white, we can all be miserable sometimes. But it’s important to identify people who constantly run on negative energy.

2. Accept

You have to accept that you will never win the argument with people who are driven by greed, jealousy and negativity. Their self-worth will always depend on putting everyone else down and you can’t change that. So stop wasting your time and energy.

3. Define your own outcome

It is likely that we all have to deal with negativity at times. If there are people in your life who run on bad fuel try to understand what they want from you and what you want from them. It is good to limit the amount of energy you let them suck out of you to a minimum and be clear what is the outcome you want from these situations.

4. Understand your reactions

Next time you meet an energy sucker, try to observe yourself and your reactions. What are your triggers? What is it that gets them going? What do you agree to do for them? We can’t control the emotions and actions of others but we certainly can choose how we react and what conclusions we draw for ourselves.

5. Say ‘no’

It’s crucial to try to keep your head calm and your life priorities clear. How do you want to feel everyday? How do you want to live your life? People running on negative fuel most likely want you to serve their outcomes and block yours. Now, remember the triggers you identified and try not to get sucked in and just walk away.

We all have experienced different levels of negativity in our lives. If you have a story please share in the comments as it will help others to deal with negativity and say ‘no’ to things that don’t serve you.

It’s time we learn to put our needs first, then we can also best serve and positively impact others. When you surround yourself with people who expect great outcomes in life and support one another, living a ‘bigger life’ becomes so much easier (and fun).